


The Secrets That We Keep

by thedragonyoumustnottickle



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Drug Abuse, Eating Disorders, Gen, Nightmares, Physical Abuse, Rape Aftermath, Schizophrenia, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Teen Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-05
Updated: 2014-04-05
Packaged: 2018-01-18 07:03:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1419124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedragonyoumustnottickle/pseuds/thedragonyoumustnottickle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No one can keep a secret forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Secrets That We Keep

**Author's Note:**

> There is hardly any plot in this at all and the timeline is completely fucked. This is more of a character study and an excuse to see characters I love suffer more than anything else (because i hate myself like that).  
> Also, I might need to tag more things or change the rating on this so please tell me if something in this bothers you and I will do just that.

_"So tell me what you want to hear_  
_Something that will light those ears_  
_Sick of all the insincere_  
_So I'm gonna give all my secrets away"_

_~ One Republic - Secrets_

_~_

 

**Harry Potter**

The Boy-Who-Lived. The Golden Boy. The Chosen One. That's me.

Sadly.

I don't get why people think I'm glad to be called that. I hate it.

I just want to be a normal typical teenage wizard (Like there's anything even slightly normal about that)

Is that too much to ask?

I don't want have the weight of the Wizarding World on my shoulders.

I don't want to feel pressured to be brave and couragous like a "true" Griffindor.

I don't want to be the Wizarding World's savior in the making.

I don't want to feel like I can't talk to anyone about my problems because they'll just say there's more important things that I should be worrying about.

I don't want to have to go sit on the ledge of the astronomy tower and try to persuade my self not to jump, again.

I don't want to look at every single thing and try to stop myself from thinking of it as a tool to kill myself with.

I don't want to look at my wand and think of doing THAT spell on myself.

But I do.

Is it so bad to just want an out of life sometimes? Is it really?

IS IT JUST TOO MUCH TO ASK?

I need another story. I need another life. I need another everything.

I don't JUST want to be the famous Harry Potter.

I don't want to be The-Boy-Who- **LIVED**.

 

~

 

**Ron Weasley**

My life gets kind of boring. Well, not really. Considering all the bloody monsters, magic, dark lords and whatever else we get dragged into that particular week.

Being compared to your best friends all of the time, never living up to the standards that have been set to you by your brothers, being the third wheel all the time, being the ginger one that is of no importance to anyone. That's what gets boring. **  
**

Need something that I can actually call mine, that no one else I know has. And that's where IT comes in. I can't remember the exact date and the place where I started. That's good because that's the reason I started anyway. It was just a random muggle bar in a random muggle city. I just wanted to forget. Forget about everything and everyone. All the pain, all the people, all the judgments that they made, all the deaths, all the things caused by You-Know-Who.

And, Merlin, does it work.

You're probably wondering how I'm even allowed to buy it without an DI (or whatever those muggles call it). Let's just say, having brothers like Fred and George actually comes in handy sometimes (not that they even cared to ask what I needed it for).

And that's how I ended up like this. Staggering my way home (doesn't feel much like it anymore though), seeing if anyone would care to know .

Just another random **DRUNK** on the corner of the street to disappointment.

 

~

 

**Draco Malfoy**

I watch the red liquid fall from the cut on my arm. Where the dark mark will most likely be soon enough. Watch it drop into the sink below.

All my sleeves are stained red. From all the truth that I've said. Or haven't would have been more appropriate.

I don't feel the warmth and the pleasure that people described to me before I started doing this. I just feel the numbness. It feels cold. Like millions of tiny pieces of ice piercing my skin. But I like it. The coldness blocks out all the pain and the memories.

Don't misunderstand me, I'm not suicidal, it just helps me cope. I wouldn't blame you if you thought I was though. I'm misunderstood about a lot of things.

I'm not evil.

I'm not mean.

I'm not cocky.

I'm not arrogant.

I don't hate every single person that isn't in Slytherin.

I don't like to call people mudbloods.

I don't worship the Dark Lord (I'm forced to do that, actually).

I don't look up to my dad as my hero.

I'm not proud of my surname.

I'm not as confident as everyone thinks I am.

All that's just a cover.

I'm just plain old Draco Malfoy. A **CUT** in the delicate balance of this fucked-up world.

 

~

 

**Hermione Granger**

I cry. I let the teardrops fall into toilet, ready to be flushed away with contents of my now empty stomach. I wipe the tears from my face with my sleeve. I've been on the brink the past few months (still am).

I just feel like breaking down, like, all the time, you know? I can't though. I'm not allowed. I'll just cause even more stress for the people around me and I can't do that to them. It wouldn't be fair.

Come on, Hermione. Be strong. Just a few more times and you'll be down to the right dress size. You'll be just like all the other beautiful and skinny girls.

The boys will finally talk to you. Not just so they would be able to cheat on their next test or to have help with their potions assignment, but actually want to talk to you.

You won't just be the smart girl everyone cheats off in exams. You won't just be the ugly mudblood that's friends with The-Boy-Who-Wouldn't-Fucking-Die and the Weasel.

You'll be able to wear all the latest clothes everyone else is wearing. You'll be able to start eating properly again. You'll be beautiful.

You'll finally be in **CONTROL** of something in your life other than your stupid grades that aren't even worth all that much in the first place.

You'll be perfect.

 

~

 

**George Weasley**

Merlin.

Amazing that I got this far without anyone noticing

Or me dying.

I mean, I thought it would be obvious by now.

Don't they notice that I disappear for days, saying that I'm staying over at Lee's house, only to come back looking like I had been living on the streets for the past few years? (I really should thank him more often for that,)

Don't they notice the scars that just magically "appear" on my arm?

Don't they notice that my grades are falling dramatically and that I skip practically all my classes? I don't think there's even a point in me going to Hogwarts anymore. I'm enough of a failure already, I don't need it to be proven even more by me failing all of my exams.

Don't they notice that I don't seem to even enjoy quidditch anymore?

Don't they notice that I've lost so much weight that I feel like a stick?

Don't they notice that their money is just suddenly disappearing?

Don't they notice that my eyes are red all the time?

Don't they notice my mood swings, my change in personality, my anxiousness, my paranoia, my lack of motivation and that I just don't care about anything any more?

Don't they notice that I'm a **DRUG ADDICT**?

Don't they notice ME?

 

No. No they don't.

~

 

**Fred Weasley**

_They're talking about you again. Saying how pathetic and useless you are._

_They're watching you again. Ready to see you fail. Don't kid yourself. They never liked you._

_You're just the other one. You wouldn't be anything without George. The pranks. The laughter. That's all you're good for._

_There's no point in you trying to make yourself a better person or shit like that. You're a nobody. A stupid little fool._

_Without us you wouldn't be anything. You'd just be a pathetic waste of life with no use to anybody. Actually, you are that now._

I can't wait until I see everyone's faces when they find out about this. The thing that's imaginary to everyone else.

But real to me.

The hourly long arguments and discussions I have with them. The things they make think about doing.

They cause the panic attacks I have. It's a miracle I haven't had one in front of anyone yet. It's probably out of pure luck.

I can just see everybody now. At the church down the street, crying without even knowing who (or what) they're crying over.

And a coffin in the middle.

Mine.

The **VOICES** will kill me in the end. Unless something else gets the pleasure of doing it first.

 

 _"Hearing voices no one else can hear isn't a good sign, even in the wizarding world"_.

 

~

 

**Ginny Weasley**

I shake as I attempt to open the door to go out of my bedroom and into real life.

Come on Ginny.

Nothing's gonna happen to you.

You can do this.

All of your family and friends are there. They'll be worrying about where you are. No one will be able to do anything. No one will be able to do what he did to you.

Come on Ginny. Be brave. No one will be able to hurt you like he did.

You can do this. You can do this. You can do this. You can do this.

I CAN'T DO THIS!

I stumble back onto my bed, shivering, crawl under the quilts and cry.

Why does no one notice that something's wrong with me? Why don't they realise that I need help?

I want to understand why he did this to me. I want to understand is it normal for this to happen.

Everyday I see the news, all the problems that we could solve. Way bigger than mine. But, still, I'm a teenager for god's sake! I hadn't even done it before he came along. They shouldn't expect me to know everything!

I want to know why it's affected me so much.

I want to know why he **RAPED** me.

I want help.

PLEASE **.**

 

~

 

**Neville Longbottom**

I hate nights like these

They make me feel so ashamed though I know  I can't help it. So why should I have any shame about it? I'm not proud of it though.

I have no real reason for this. I've got no family I can blame. I mean, I can't exactly blame my grandma for this, can I? I can't blame my parents for this because well, you know, that. And I can't blame anyone else for this either.

No one made me stay awake every night just laying there, waiting for the darkness to consume me. (It never does).

No one makes me have so little sleep that I'm used to walking around everywhere feeling like I could faint at any moment.

No one made me have the same one, every night, without fail, but gets worse every time it happens.

No one made me just stay down in the green house all the time, trying to think of another excuse to tell the professors so I won't have to go up to the dormitaries and go to sleep.

No one made me have these **NIGHTMARES.**

 

~

 

**Seamus Finnigan**

I touch my newly produced black eye. I flinch as pain rushes through me.

Fuck.

How am I going to hide this? I'm going back to Hogwarts tomorrow!

Merlin. I REALLY need to master those glamour charms.

It was bad enough Dean seeing the scar on my back in 3rd year! Now he's got even more evidence to believe that something's wrong with me.

No one knows why I never change in front of anyone else. And I'm planning on keeping it that way. The bear bottle marks, the footsteps, the bruises, the cuts, the broken bones and the pain. All placed on my (almost) permanently broken skin. Hidden beneath my clothes. All because of something that can't be helped.

(This is probably the only time my reputation helps me. Mam hasn't even questioned how many times she's had to take me to the hospital)

I just hope they won't let me disappear. I AM going to tell them everything. Someday. Just not right now.

I'm used to them now though. The scars I mean. The emotional and the physical scars.

But that's all they'll ever be to me. Scars. Scars that will fade eventually with time. But the **ABUSE** will still be scars in my memory.

Scars of my past (and present) a permanent reminder for the future.

 

~

 

**Pansy Parkinson  
**

+

 _Fuck_.

How is it possible that one little plus sign can ruin someone's life forever? How the hell am I gong to be able handle this by myself?. My life was fine before this, now I've gone and fucked it all up.

I don't need another perfect line of dialogue, that's for sure. My life's felt like it's been set out and scripted for me since the day I was born anyway.

I seriously couldn't care less anymore about all the people that are like critics jumping in line to insult me. I'm always gonna get judged about anything I do, so, why bother?

About that I'm in Slytherin, that my parents are probable Death Eaters, that I'm a bully or that I'm just plain mean. So, what's the point?

No one at school will care anyway. It probably won't come as as shock to a lot of them.

I bet you those Weasel twins have put money on it. That Slytherin slut who's always groping Draco and follows him round like a lost puppy.

It's not Draco's if that's what you're thinking. It was just some random guy I met one night. I couldn't tell you his name even if my life depended on it.

I'm making myself sound like even more of a slut now aren't I? Too bad it's fucking true.

The look on my parents faces when they find out. I'll be dead and gone to them the day after. I won't be any daughter of them after this.

I have no fucking idea what I'm going to do. How am I going to hide this? A bloody **BABY.**

 

**~**

 

 

 

 

 

## se·cret

adjective

 

1\.  done, made, or conducted without the knowledge of others: secret negotiations.

2\.  kept from the knowledge of any but the initiated or privileged: a secret password.

3\.  faithful or cautious in keeping confidential matters confidential; close-mouthed; reticent.

4. designed or working to escape notice, knowledge, or observation: a secret drawer; the secret police.

5\.  secluded, sheltered, or withdrawn: a secret hiding place.

 

Everyone has a secret. They can't help it.

From something tiny, like you're the one that ate the last chocolate bar, to something huge, something that could change the world, for better or for worse.

Everyone's has or has had one. It's human nature.

No one knows the reasons we keep secrets.

Some say it's for the excitement. The thrill of knowing something that other people don't. It makes you feel special, that you're the only one that knows it.

Other people say it's because they're ashamed of it. Ashamed to be judged by society on something, in some cases, that they can't help.

No matter the reasons behind keeping the secret, the same thing happens every single time. The secret starts eating you up from the inside, the guilt takes over you, you grow conscious that somebody's found out or is going to find out and then, before you know it, the secret's out and everybody knows it.

No one can keep a secret forever.

 

So.

 

What's yours?

**Author's Note:**

> check me out on my [tumblr](http://garethbail.tumblr.com)


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